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Bride reveals ‘transparency letter’ she gave to her bridesmaids detailing costs and time commitments of role

A woman has gone viral on TikTok after revealing that she included a letter detailing all of the costs and time commitments associated with her wedding when she asked her friends to be bridesmaids.

Lisa, who goes by @lisalovesrandom on the app, shared the video in response to another TikTok from a woman complaining that they had agreed to be a bridesmaid for a friend without realising that it would cost “three whole paychecks and every second of your [paid time off] for the year”.

In her response TikTok video, the former bride said that she was “glad somebody pointed this out” before sharing the way she handled the subject of her bridal party and the costs associated with being involved in her wedding.

According to Lisa, before she got engaged, she had been a bridesmaid before and she wasn’t “fully aware of all the costs and expectations associated with being a bridesmaid,” so she created a letter detailing all of the bridal party expectations for her own friends ahead of her wedding.

“I felt very insecure doing this but I’m ultimately glad that I did,” Lisa prefaced, before explaining that she included the letter of what she expected of her bridal party in the bridesmaid proposal box she gave to each one.


In the letter, Lisa said she outlined time commitments, with the former bride noting that she told her friends if they lived an hour away, they didn’t have to worry about attending the bridal shower or wedding dress shopping.

“I also specified money commitments,” she continued, adding that she told her friends she would pay for their hair and makeup, but that they would be responsible for the cost of the bridesmaid dress.

However, according to Lisa, the detail she thought was most important in the letter was the option to say no to being a bridesmaid with the promise that they would still be friends.

“Most importantly, I told them that they could say no to being a bridesmaid, that we would still be friends and they could keep all gifts in the bridesmaid proposal box,” she said. “And one of them said no. It’s fine. We’re still great friends.”

Since she uploaded it on Monday, the video has been viewed more than 3.5m times, with many praising Lisa for the gesture.

“That’s a mature way of handling it,” one person wrote, while another commented: “Girl this is GENIUS!”

Others asked Lisa to share the full letter, with the former bride showing the transparency letter in a follow-up video.

In the letter, she detailed costs including the dress, which she informed her bridal party could be chosen in the style of their choice, as well as destination costs, as Lisa wanted her wedding to be in Mexico.

Under other potential costs, she wrote: “I’m going to provide the stay for the night of the rehearsal dinner, but the wedding night stay and/or transportation back to your place will be on you, adding that bachelorette shirts may also fall under the section.

Although some of the bridal events were not mandatory, Lisa listed the rehearsal dinner, the bachelorette party, and the wedding as mandatory commitments for her bridal party.

The back of the transparency letter included a “commonly asked questions” section, in which Lisa answered questions such as: “Do we have to sit at the head table?” and “Will you expect me to make any appearance changes?”

In response to the videos, there were some who criticised the idea of a bridal party paying for costs such as their dress, however, many found Lisa’s transparency letter a useful suggestion.

“Very healthy way of going about this whole thing, I love this,” one person wrote.

Watch the full video here.

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